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Basics of Friendship

December 15, 2009

Do you ever look at the people around you and just appreciate your friends? Not all the people in your life are friends, and you need to be able to recognize the difference. Some people are in your life because they have the same interests as you, some are in your life because you work with them, others just want something from you (yes I said that), and others are real friends. What do I consider a real friend? No, do not look at your Facebook page and answer with that number, you don’t even know half of those people really! Oh, you do, you say? Go through every single one of your “friends” and name their kids, what would make them uniquely happy, or something else that few know about them. I love having all the connections on Facebook, but that number is not even close to the genuine friendships I have. I think, outside of my wife, I have probably 4 or 5. I love each of them more than they will ever know, and know that love is returned.

Most people have only about 3-5 really close friends. Why so low? Because having real friendships requires lots of time, work, and effort. Great friendships don’t happen by accident. They are many times God-ordained relationships for the benefit of each party. When people tell me they have a one-sided friendship, I usually tell them, “No, you don’t. You have a one-sided relationship, but not a friendship.” Here is part of my criteria for a genuine relationship:

  1. They love you regardless of what you do for a living.
  2. They could care less about your money. They don’t fluctuate as your income does.
  3. You can call them, rant, rave, scream, and cry, and they will listen through ears of love.
  4. When you are wrong, they will tell you, and while it might hurt a little, you will accept it.
  5. You can share your deepest sin, and it will stay with them. They will help you through it, not call the Pastor with a “prayer request” for you. Man, I hate that kind of gossip. Side note, if you would like to be a part of Baypointe Church, don’t ever do that crapus maximus. (That’s Latin for stupid, stinkin, pile of selfish, crapola.)
  6. If it’s 3AM and you need them, they will be there and you know it. Physically if they need to be.
  7. They celebrate your wins with you and mourn your losses with equal passion.

There are plenty more because each friendship brings with it unique dynamics. These are a few of what I consider the basics.

Are you a friend to someone? Are you allowing someone to be your friend? It’s a two way street my…friend.

Grace.

Ben

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. ebobkuschel permalink
    December 15, 2009 4:37 pm

    I don’t understand the Latin part but I do think I have experienced it. I am not sure if the number of friends that I have is that high.
    Great post. Almost mandates a self-examination.

  2. December 15, 2009 5:25 pm

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Wrote a blog about it myself just the other day. I was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me because I seem to only be able to maintain a hand full of life, long, real friendships with people who are with me and for me, no matter what. Who care about me and show genuine concern for where I’m at in life. Some people come into my life for socialization purposes and when they are bored with me, they disappear…sometimes they want to be close to my family and in turn, draw close to me as a means. Other times my passion for a relationship dies and I can’t put my finger on it….But it appears I’m not only normal, but blessed with the few people I can call ‘friend’!
    It’s hard when a relationship starts off as though it is real, genuine and has the potential to be life long…only for the relationship to fizzle out with time…it’s easy to wonder what went wrong…what did I do? What did they do? But I think it’s not only normal and natural for this to happen, it’s healthy and OK. People change and sometimes God brings us into people’s lives (or them into ours) for a short time on purpose.
    I could write more but I won’t bombard the blogosphere 🙂 All that to say, It’s refreshing to know that I’m normal. The more affirmation I can get about that, the better! Good post.

  3. Michelle permalink
    December 15, 2009 7:50 pm

    One word AWESOME!! Miss you guys 🙂

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