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In The Hospital All Day Today

June 5, 2009

This morning I will be in a hospital waiting room. I will be there waiting to hear the news on how my Mother-In-Law’s surgery goes. I wish I could say it is a “routine” procedure (whatever that is..) It’s not, it’s a massive thing that is going to bring complete painfree living here on this earth, or on the other side. It is a decision she is comfortable with, has prayed about, and I support.

How many religious clichés will I hear today? Better than that, how many will I tell myself trying to find the same peace she is displaying? How many things that I have said to others will I now try to convince myself of? I know we say them partly because they are true, and partly because we don’t know what else to say.

Here’s the raw, honest, truth: I believe in Jesus with everything I am. I KNOW he can heal, raise from the dead, and gives the greatest peace mankind knows. If I know these things, why do I still feel “uneasy” about today. Am I worried? Yes, even though I know Christ has told me not to and that it will do no good. Am I scared? A little, even though it does no good. I know how I feel, and I know they are not “right” and I should just have “faith.” How do I shift the things I know in my head to the places in my heart they need to be. The answer is simple: I don’t know. But maybe I don’t need to.

Here is what I know and believe. At the end of the day, I will still follow Christ with everything I am. I will still have emotions that I sometimes can’t control. I will still have questions, concerns, and “discussions” with Jesus. I will love Him and He will love me. Whatever happens, I still know the power of God, even if I can’t explain it all.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 5, 2009 1:09 pm

    Jude verse 22
    Be merciful to those who doubt.

    In Mark chapter 9, Jesus meets the father of a demon possessed boy. The father tells Jesus, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”
    Jesus is merciful during a time of doubt and heals the man’s son.

    He is not afraid of our honest emotions. I was there last week.

  2. June 5, 2009 3:17 pm

    I spent a long time on the floor of my closet yesterday, going over these same questions and fears in my head…but the bible is filled with men and women after God’s own heart who he repeadily had to remind, “don’t be afraid.” It’s human nature to fear the unknown even though we know He has it all in His hands.
    Sometimes it’s easier to trust God with our own lives than it is the lives of the ones we love. I’ll pray super natural peace over you and the family today.

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