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You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Until It’s Gone.

May 6, 2008

I have used that phrase myself so many times I can’t even count them, but now I am living it. I am having to deal with the fact that I do not have something that is not only a luxury to have, but a necessity. It is like eating peanut butter without jelly, Oreos without milk, or ham without the burger! It is like Batman without Robin or Abbot without Costello. What would Jerry be without Elaine, Kramer, or George? Some things are just supposed to be together and when they are not, the world does not seem normal. Things are not in the right place and chaos ignites.

For the past two weeks, I have been without Brenda. She will not be home until Friday, and to be honest that is not soon enough. For those who do not know, she is in Gainesville helping with her Dad as begins a long series of Chemo treatments. The reason she is gone is noble and it is the right decision, but that does not make my pain go away. I am not in the same kind of pain as Dr. Kuschel, but I hurt in a different way. I am not right without her. She is what keeps me going, and it is difficult without her. My world is in a state of chaos. No, not the chaos you are thinking. Mackenzie and I are doing everything right. She is eating veggies at dinner, taking daily showers, and going to bed on time. Those things are easy. It is after she goes to bed that chaos begins to happen. How do I define chaos? Things being out of control with no clear way to stop it. When I get Mack to sleep, it is just me. I try to read, write, work on my Doctorate, and even watch TV, but it never works. It is not just about being alone. If there were five people in the room, I would still be alone. No one knows me like her, and the feeling of not being known is scary. No one loves me like her, and the absence of that love is devastating. No one moves me like her, and the only thing left in the void of her is a stagnate life…no movement. Many people have made fun of the now famous line from Jerry Maguire that says “You complete me,” but I am learning the truth behind that statement. I am only complete with her. Please do not give me the religious line that says God completes me because you are right, but I am talking about something different. God completed me the moment we were married, and He truly understands what I am feeling.

Why do I tell you all this? Why do I write a blog that is possibly this depressing? There are so many people out there that do not know how great they have it. I didn’t until this week. I did not realize how much I depended on someone for things that are not tangible. I never realized how much of me was made up entirely of someone else.

 

Appreciate what you have. Cherish the people in your life. Love the life God has given you.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Brenda Liles permalink
    May 7, 2008 5:17 pm

    Amen Pastor!!! I understand the “chaos” of which you speak. I am staying very busy with all the appointments and kids stuff… but not too busy to miss my other half. I too am incomplete without you!
    I am in a room with other people and as much as I love these people, there is no comparison to the feeling I have with you! I am sure that I am in the right place, doing the right thing, but I will be happy to be home this weekend with my husband and children all together. We will have a happy family day on Saturday for Gracen’s 1st birthday.
    I miss you and love you! Until I see you… mwuah!!
    The BnB Sho will continue!!!!!

  2. Michelle permalink
    May 7, 2008 6:47 pm

    Ahh, that is so sweet. I know how you are feeling. Piney used to travel when we were first married and he would only be home on weekends. It is tough, but just think, it is only 3 more days until she comes back.
    You are truly a man of God. You love your wife and family so much and still put God first. That is why you are such an awesome Pastor.

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