Last night I had a conversation with someone and it revolved around heaven. He believed that all Christians had heaven as a destination as their number one goal, and when I explained that it wasn’t for me, you would have thought I just slipped a live hand grenade down his pants. He was terrified that a PASTOR of all people didn’t believe that Heaven was my main goal. Is Heaven your main goal? Let me explain.

I believe that Heaven is going to happen for me. I love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and what little strength I seem to have recently. I’m just a little tired, don’t panic. I believe that I will live a life worthy of that “reward.” Reward is something you get for accomplishing a task. Does that mean I get to enter into a place so amazing that words really can’t describe it, a place where joy reigns, a place of being in the tangible presence of Christ at all times, and all I have to do is say a prayer? Just believe and the reward is yours? Now, before all you theologians blast off, yes I fully believe that a prayer in Jesus grants to access to Heaven, but I believe there is more to the life of a Christ Follower. Not more things to do to “earn” anything, but rather things that will naturally flow out of our relationship with Him.

For me, heaven is not my primary goal. My primary goal is to live out the teachings of Christ in a way that will lead others to a relationship with Him. I will try to love God and love people with everything inside me. I will try to give to the places that God leads me to give. I will try to spend time alone with God for reflection, strengthening, and worship. I will work to make the lives of the marginalized of society better. I will work to make our city, county, state, country, and world a better place than before I was born. I will try to use the power of The Spirit which lives in me, to do things that are beyond my capabilities. I will thank God when I succeed, and I will repent when I fail. I will love God, and love people…recklessly. These are my goals.

Each relationship with Jesus is different, and with different dynamics come different goals, values, and results. Yes, there will be some people in Heaven that did just enough to get by. So. So what. I will be glad they are there rejoicing with me. Christ died a torturous death on the cross for those who believe just enough, and for guys that live a dedicated, crazy life of faith. I will challenge those I lead to live a deeper life, and then they will make that decision.

In the end, all that believe will enter into Heaven, but for me, that is not my goal. I have only been given a certain amount of years, and my goal is to make them count…for Him.

Grace.

Ben

Do you ever look at the people around you and just appreciate your friends? Not all the people in your life are friends, and you need to be able to recognize the difference. Some people are in your life because they have the same interests as you, some are in your life because you work with them, others just want something from you (yes I said that), and others are real friends. What do I consider a real friend? No, do not look at your Facebook page and answer with that number, you don’t even know half of those people really! Oh, you do, you say? Go through every single one of your “friends” and name their kids, what would make them uniquely happy, or something else that few know about them. I love having all the connections on Facebook, but that number is not even close to the genuine friendships I have. I think, outside of my wife, I have probably 4 or 5. I love each of them more than they will ever know, and know that love is returned.

Most people have only about 3-5 really close friends. Why so low? Because having real friendships requires lots of time, work, and effort. Great friendships don’t happen by accident. They are many times God-ordained relationships for the benefit of each party. When people tell me they have a one-sided friendship, I usually tell them, “No, you don’t. You have a one-sided relationship, but not a friendship.” Here is part of my criteria for a genuine relationship:

1. They love you regardless of what you do for a living.
2. They could care less about your money. They don’t fluctuate as your income does.
3. You can call them, rant, rave, scream, and cry, and they will listen through ears of love.
4. When you are wrong, they will tell you, and while it might hurt a little, you will accept it.
5. You can share your deepest sin, and it will stay with them. They will help you through it, not call the Pastor with a “prayer request” for you. Man, I hate that kind of gossip. Side note, if you would like to be a part of Baypointe Church, don’t ever do that crapus maximus. (That’s Latin for stupid, stinkin, pile of selfish, crapola.)
6. If it’s 3AM and you need them, they will be there and you know it. Physically if they need to be.
7. They celebrate your wins with you and mourn your losses with equal passion.

There are plenty more because each friendship brings with it unique dynamics. These are a few of what I consider the basics.

Are you a friend to someone? Are you allowing someone to be your friend? It’s a two way street my…friend.

Grace.

Ben

So for the past few weeks, I have been documenting most of my church experiences. If you have read the past posts you know that they have not been good, at least by my standards. Let me be honest, I believe that the primary purpose of a church service, experience, meeting, gathering, or whatever other term you want you use is for worship. But I also believe and know that Sundays are the main vehicle used by God to draw the unchurched to Himself. I know it can be done anytime, but statistics show this is the most common day. With that being said, I went to a church today that did a lot of things really well.

We went to a church called Northstar Church, and it was a refreshing time. From the very get-go they had great signage in the lobby, very helpful people checking in the kids, a lady that did not just point to where to go with the kids but walked us there. The kids department was obviously using a methodology called “Orange,” which is a brainchild of Reggie Joiner the former Families Pastor for Andy Stanley at Northpoint Church near Atlanta, Georgia. This in my opinion is the best method of kids ministry which combines the power of the family and church. You can look it up to see how amazing it is.

The worship experience for adults was well put together as well. A first time visitor, an unsaved person, or a mature believer would all be able to not only feel comfortable in this service but to gain something from it. It was obvious to me, that this church values the conversion of the unsaved into a relationship with Christ. I was moved many times as they spoke of the importance of beginning of a relationship with Christ.

I can’t tell you how refreshing this church experience was. Not just because the last few weeks have been less than desirable, but because I found a church that values what I believe God values. They are in the middle of Panama City, and our church will be out on the beach so we will be lots of miles apart, but I genuinely hope that Northstar and Baypointe will be able to work together to bring Christ to a community that needs to be affected by His love.

Grace.

Ben

A good friend of mine, Jason Stock, asked me yesterday what I thought a bad church experience was. We began a brief discussion that ended up talking about good and bad being subjective terms and what I though of as a horrible church experience could be a good one for someone else. He’s right! We are all wired certain ways and will have different stylistic tastes. I can get past those, but there are certain things I can’t get past. So here is my checklist to ensure you have a bad church experience (at least in my opinion…)

1. Have no parking attendants and bad signage. This will ensure your first time guests are nervous, clueless, and confused from the beginning. As if it’s not hard enough to be in a church for the first time, make them ask where to go and how to get there, it will really make them uncomfortable.
2. Assume everyone is in a relationship with Jesus.
3. Make sure greeters hand someone a bulletin and pass them on.
4. Have all the regulars stand right in front of the coffee station so even if the guest was brave enough to try to get one, they wouldn’t be able to get there.
5. Do not have kids church. I mean parents who have worked all week and need some peace can’t wait to wrestle their kids during the whole service. And the kids will definitely be able to follow and learn from your amazing exegesis of Romans 8. But be sure to mask it as your belief in “intergenerational worship,” so no one thinks you really just don’t want to put the countless hours into training and developing leaders who will pour into the lives of children.
6. Assume everyone is in a relationship with Jesus.
7. Assume all the smiles you see are real. No one would ever put on a church face and pretend life is fine. Just listen to the news and you will hear how great our world is…
8. Use lots of church language. Be sure to mention words like regeneration and  sanctification, but under no circumstances define them so that the 80 percent of your congregation that pretend to know what these words mean will never really know.
9. Every time you read a bible passage, make sure you start with the phrase, “I know you all know this passage,” or even better, “You know the story of…” Remember everyone is saved and has the whole bible memorized.
10. Assume everyone is in a relationship with Jesus.

These are the basics. I could go into many more details but if you follow these instructions, you will be sure to make every visitor feel completely alienated, isolated, and out of place. They will leave just knowing this is a place they can find hope, healing, and belonging.

And if anyone questions your disregard for the importance of first time visitors and guests, just be sure to say, “We are a church that is going deeper,” and that will get you off the hook.

Ok, my rant is done. Please go change a life today, in a way that will make God smile.

Grace.

Ben

I have made a decision that many people will not agree with, but what’s new? I am going to work part time until Baypointe gets off the ground. Now before all my “full-time” pastor friends blast off on me and tell me how I should be focusing solely on the church let me give you a few reasons.

1. I do not want to take a full salary from the church yet. I could, but I would rather take only half and use the other half to make Baypointe’s launch better. I will be able to market more fully, make our website better, and a host of other things I can do with half of my salary. (Make no mistake, a church planter’s salary is small, but the sacrifice now will pay off later…I’ll expound on that thought on a later date.) FYI, I am working on Baypointe stuff from 8AM to 1:30 PM, go to my second job from 2:30-7:30 and then go home to spend time with the family.
2. I need a release. I love the restaurant business, and working 5 hours a day 3-4 days a week will be a great mental break from the everyday grind.
3. This is one of the most important. I want to meet and connect with people. After working just one shift I have learned a lot about the community God has placed me in. I don’t want to just meet them for the purpose of building my launch team, but also to hear their stories. Let me expound…

Pastors and leaders, I want to ask you an important question: Have we become unintentionally disconnected from the “working, family guy?” Do you truly understand what they go through? How many of us (myself included) have even questioned a person’s commitment to Christ due to their lack of “serving.” We schedule “serving” opportunities based solely on when the church is open on Sundays, or once a month events, or some other thing we think is important. Please hear me, these are vital things! But there has to be more.

I met a guy last night that is a full time real estate broker by day, but because of the economy has to wait tables at night. He is married, has three kids, his wife works, and they attend church on Sundays. This guys works roughly 65-70 hours per week to support his family. If we don’t know his story, we would quickly ask “Where are you serving in the church?” Serving? This guy is barely able to keep going. He is fulfilling his GOD ORDAINED calling to take care of his family. He gets up every morning early to pray because he told me it was the only time he has. If we didn’t know his story would we quietly question, “Why isn’t this guy serving in the church?”

I repented last night for my false view of serving. I have seen “serving” all wrong. Hard question: how many of us leaders use the term “serving” really to encompass “things we want to see happen on Sundays so our church functions smoothly,” yep that hurt, and yes I am talking to me. Please don’t get me wrong, these things on Sunday are done by tremendous volunteers who for the most part have an amazing heart for God and His church. What I want to raise our awareness to is that “serving” the church can look different. Maybe we need to create new opportunities for guys like this, he can’t be the only one.

I have no clue how to do it, so I ask: How do we shift the paradigm of serving? Maybe it doesn’t need shifting, but expanding? Serving is vital to the life of a Christ-Follower, so we must find a way to help. Shoot me your thoughts and ideas.

Grace.

Ben

I was 12 when I became king.

I am evil at heart.

I will do everything I can to desecrate the name of God.

I have built altars to idols in the place of God’s honor.

I love the stars, and they have become my guide.

I seek the starry hosts more than the host of hosts.

I tied my sons up.

Bound their screaming bodies together.

I burned them alive, to appease the “gods.”

I have practiced witchcraft…

……………………..sorcery……….

………………………divination…..

I have been more evil than any other king.

I have led the people of God away…on purpose.

I have ignored the tangible voice of God.

I have now been captured.

A hole has been driven through my nose, and a hook placed there.

I am shackled and led to Babylon.

I AM EVIL.

………………………………….

………………………………but

I prayed today.

I sought God with my heart, what little is left.

I repented in my distress……………..and……

………………………….God FORGAVE me.

He freed me from Babylon.

He returned my kingdom to me.

I removed all the idols and worthless “gods.”

I have rebuilt the city.

I returned the nation to making proper sacrifices to God.

I was EVIL………………….

……………………………..but

I was forgiven.

May you who read this find grace today. May you understand that no level of evil will ever outweigh the overshadowing love of a Father who would do anything to love you. A simple love, yet one that cannot be explained. May you receive freedom from what holds you back, and courage to walk in your God ordained future.

Grace.

Ben

For the second week in a row I have gone to church as a visitor. Yes, it’s hard, but I am finding God is using this as an amazing teaching time for me. As a pastor and church leader, I know exactly how much time and preparation goes into putting together a Sunday experience that will touch the lives of people. We teach about God’s love, and I know we mean it. We talk about bringing in visitors, and we really want the people to do that. After all, we have spent all this time preparing them for a life-changing encounter with God through His vehicle, the local church. Let me give you my experience today.

Brenda did not go to church today because she is backslidden, JUST KIDDING! (Gracen was sick and she stayed home with him, while I took the girls to church with me.) SO as I walked up, I must have looked like a single dad with two little girls. There was a ton of people outside the front doors of the church in a courtyard like feel. It was obvious that these people loved being around each other. Laughter, camaraderie, and fellowship was everywhere. I was teeming with anticipation about getting there as we strode through the parking lot. Where are the parking lot attendants? (I guess they are off today.) As I entered the courtyard, I had no idea where to go. Probably a hundred people here, yet no one has spoken to us. The kids are begging me to take them to kids church but we can’t find it. Oh, there are some doors with kids going in, let’s go that way. We get in the side wing, and there is a good size group of people all full of smiles and talking, but not to us. We look around for kids workers but no one is wearing any form of ID to identify themselves as volunteers. Come on girls we will go into the main building and find some help. There is the info table! Now we will get some help. We stood there for 6 minutes (yes I counted) with no one coming to help us, and as a matter of fact people actually looked upset that we were standing in the way. We finally found a greeter handing out bulletins and when we walked up to him, we waited patiently for him to finish a conversation he was very engaged in. When he saw me, I got excited that we were going to get some help! He just reached out a bulletin, and didn’t say a word, not even a hello. We were done. The girls just asked if they could stay with me and I allowed it, even though I normally don’t. We sat down 15 minutes before church started thinking surely someone will talk to us. Nope. Not one. Not a soul. Church began, and after 4 songs they took a 10 minute break. Someone surely would come now, this is the time when they are trained to talk to visitors right? Nope. We sat there by ourselves. We sat through the rest of service, and when we left we were treated the same, no one spoke. My girls and I were at a church for 85 minutes today without being spoken to. Am I exaggerating? I wish. We did not talk to anyone except each other.

Maybe they had an off day. Maybe I will go try again. It will not affect my relationship with God, nor my thoughts about how great I believe the local church is. It has broken my heart though. What if I was a single dad, who was struggling to keep it together, and finally, decided with no hope left I would find a church. And this was his experience?

Pastors and church leaders, I beg you to listen and read this with an open heart. I am not bashing this church, just stating facts that the leadership might not even know exists. I am asking you to examine what happens at your church from the moment someone walks on the property. If you are a member at a church, I want to challenge you to be alert to new people, open to talk to someone you don’t know, and ready to be used by God to potentially change a life. In all honesty, it is more on you than the pastors, sorry but it’s true.

Next week I will go to another church and pray that God again teaches me, except maybe not in such a lonely way!!!

Grace.

Ben

She came down the stairs this morning crying, her bedhead hair not yet brushed. She was crying for the 4^th time this morning. First she cried about not knowing where to go when she got off the bus at school. I “fixed” it by explaining that she just had to ask a teacher. Then she began to cry about leaving her Cadence to walk (about 10 yards) alone. I explained that I understood the pressure of being the oldest and caring about her little sister but that her little sister had no fear and that there was nothing to worry about. The school was safe and she would be fine. I “fixed” her problem again, go daddy! Then her tears returned because she was afraid the bus would get in a wreck. I so confidently “fixed” this issue as well by explaining that busses get in less wrecks than cars do. Man I am on a roll this morning I thought. I am knocking out all her fears and the tears should stop now. I have “fixed” it all! Dad of The Year Award? Then she taught me how stupid I was. She came down the stairs, my angel and first born. The one that saved my life with her birth. The one that has touched my heart in ways I didn’t know possible. She looked up at me and simply said, “Daddy, is it okay if I just want to cry? I just want you to hold me while I cry.” I was so broken. I wanted to take that dad of the year award I had given myself, turn it sideways and shove it…well you get the picture. She just wanted her Daddy to hold her without “fixing” anything. In her world, it would all be “fixed” if I would shut my stupid pie hole and just hold her. No words, no solutions, no logic, just her daddy. So what did I do? Yep, sat in the middle of the floor and held her. And she cried…and cried…and cried. Big tears that shook her fragile little body. I held her, held her until she was done. I no intention of letting her go until it was over…by her standards. Nothing mattered, not time, not a schedule, not a to-do list or the church or anything. This was her time with daddy and she knew it. Nothing would have stopped me from holding her, except her little voice that finally said through swollen eyes and matted hair, “I’m okay now dad, thanks.” Then it hit me…

When was the last time I just sat down with God and allowed Him to hold me? It seems I am really good at allowing God to fix my issues, and He usually does. But that will never replace the joy of a father getting to hold his son. Why don’t I just allow Him? Because if I cry to God, does that mean my faith is weak? I am the guy that helps people fix things, I am a problem solver. I am innovative and creative when it comes to “getting it done.” I can evaluate a situation and usually come up with a plan to make it better. God will think I am weak, not ready for the task ahead of me, or not worthy of what He has planned for my life. This is the first time I think I have been able to articulate this and it feels really good to know I don’t have to have it all together. There are problems I can’t solve, and He knows that. There are things I can’t handle alone, and He knows that. There are days I just want to cry and have Him hold me, and He knows that.

I am sure the journey you are on will also have these moments. When you just want to cry and not be told the answer. When it all just has to come out, be cleansed in the deepest places of your heart, when a river of tears will help the process. Today I will pray with no words, I will simply be. I will not take requests or tell God how great I think He is. I will not fill the time with rambling, or a list of prayer requests that people have given me. I will simply be. Selfish maybe, but I will sit in the arms of God and cry.

May you allow your heart the freedom to cry today. Tears of joy, sadness, confusion, frustration will be wiped away by the heart of a Savior that can not be measured. May you find newness in your relationship with your Father, and may you sit in His arms ntil you are done.

Grace.

Ben

I feel guilty and am not sure how exactly to unpack it, so you, my faithful readers will have to be the faceless way that I will share my feelings. I have been dealing with something all day and I feel guilty about it. I understand it, I know it is normal, but I still can’t shake the guilt.

I need a BREAK from my kids. Yep, I said it, a break. Some time alone, to think, be alone, not hear noise, to process all the thoughts going crazy in my head. I can’t seem to do any of these things due to crying, laughter, arguing, playing, and all the other things that go along with being a dad. I think my name has been changed to “Daddy Anita.” (As in daddy, anita drink. Daddy, anita snack. Daddy, anita this or that.) Let me explain…

We took them out of school in Tallahassee on Friday, October 2^nd. We moved on October 5^th. We allowed them last week off to get settled in their new environment, and planned on registering them last Friday. Due to the fact we had to prove residency (which was harder than we thought) we couldn’t get them registered until today the 13^th. They start school tomorrow! This means I have had my kids with me for 11 days straight with no break. Add that to the moving chaos, unpacking, and trying to get used to a new city, and I am a dad that needs a day to myself.

Now, those of you that know me understand I am a Mr. Mom. I take them to school, pick them up, make their lunches, cook dinner, pray with them at night, and put them to bed. Not because Brenda can’t, but because I love to. I love my kids with everything in me, and that is why I think I feel guilty. I have been trying to hide it for a few days, but tonight I finally came clean to Brenda and said I am ready for them to be back in school.

I know in the knowledge part of my brain that this is completely normal. We all need time alone, away from even those we love with an unquenched intensity. The heart side of me says that I should never want to be away from my kids, I should want them around me all the time, I should not be able to function without them with me. This is simply not the case, and while I know it is okay to need a break I feel guilty. I have been trying to figure out why and really don’t have an answer…but it makes me love God more.

Yep, in my guilt I find again God teaching me. In our humanity, we all need time away from people. To just regain our sanity and think. God doesn’t. He wants us all the time. He loves us beyond the ability to be frustrated to the point He tells us to go away. He never tells us to leave or to just “give Daddy some alone time.” He wants to and gives us all of His attention…in our good moments…and in our bad. We are never a bother to Him, pester Him, bug Him, ask too much of Him, or any of the other things I have experienced in the last 11 days. God loves us, all the time…no matter what.

Okay, I think I hear my kids calling, thanks for listening.

Grace.

Ben

For the next little while, I will be using this blog as a way to update the birthing process of Baypointe Church and keep friends, family, and fellow leaders updated on the status of the Liles family during it all.

Week 1 – Transition. This was definitely the theme for this past week. It was a long week of getting moved on Monday and Tuesday and trying to get unpacked. As of this writing (Sunday morning) we are about 75% unpacked physically and much more mentally! I am ready for this upcoming week for a couple of reasons:

1. The kids go to school. I love my kids more than I can explain, but having them under my feet, trying to move, and getting unpacked for 9 days straight has me ready for some space. Mack is in this age where she wants to be with me and Brenda all the time, wants to only have “adult” conversations, and forgets she is only 9. Need some space. Cadence is still thinking we are on vacation so she wants to “go somewhere” everyday, eat out for all meals, and have no schedule. Need space. Gracen, well he is just a crazy 2 year old. Need space. Do I feel guilty about wanting some alone time? Nope, it’s needed if I want to be a good father. This week they go back to school and that will give me the space I need.
2. Brenda starts her new job. She is really excited and nervous, but this is what she has been wanting. She was really nervous yesterday and basically feels like she is the new kid in school. I am so proud of her, and can’t imagine doing life without her.
3. I get to start working on Baypointe Church! This is why God brought us here and I am ready to get it going. I have so much to do, but I know the work will bring so many rewards. This week is mostly a administrative week (establish non-profit status, incorporation process, bank account, set up virtual office space, etc) but these things must get done. My office for the week is not too bad, it’s only a Starbucks about 200 yards from the ocean…

I am looking forward to our life here. I am ready for the staff of Baypointe to get here to start this journey with me. They are an excited group of guys that are relocating here because they believe that this is a God moment for me and for them. I admire their faith and can’t wait to serve this community with them!

Grace.

ben